Not all good times last forever..

It was part of the plan..Move far away and start all over again. And yes, I'm here! in a busy and crowded city of Cebu. Adventurous, as always, I stepped forward and started walking. Observing the busy streets crowded with people in all walks of life. It was quite far from where I live but I was never afraid. I know this place has something to give me and I'm going to find out.

I started to walk and discover things that I need to know. I'm alone but I know I'm brave enough to survive this scary but enjoyable place. I was welcomed by a bunch of people with all those big smiles on their faces. Seeing their faces, I said to myself that Im going to enjoy this place! True enough. For the first time in my life, I considered myself free. I was able to do the things I wanted to do.

It came to the point that I was really attached to the people I considered to be my second family. We enjoyed lots of things together. Shared painful experiences together and personal problems together. They are really amazing.

I enjoyed their company for several months until its time to go. We need to part ways. I was extremely sad coz I know that i know to acquaint myself again to other people that I considered to be complete strangers. I know we will not be seeing each other like we used to but I'll surely miss their company and they will still forever in my heart. Well, like what they always say, "NOT ALL GOOD TIMES TOGETHER, LAST FOREVER..So enjoy every moment it while it lasts! :D

I'll surely miss you guyz!

What my birthdate says about me

> Loves to joke.
> Attractive.
> Suave and caring.
> Brave and fearless.
> Firm and has leadership qualities.
> Knows how to console others.
> Too generous and egoistic.
> Takes high pride of oneself.
> Thirsty for praises.
> Extraordinary spirit.
> Easily angered.
> Angry when provoked.
>Easily... jealous.
> Observant.
> Careful and cautious.
> Thinks quickly.
> Independent thoughts.
> Loves to lead and to be led.
> Loves to dream.
> Talented in the arts, music and defense.
> Sensitive but not petty.
> Poor resistance against illnesses.
> Learns to relax.
> Hasty and trusty.
> Romantic.
> Loving and caring.
> Loves to make friends .


Based from facts about myself, i guess, it was all true. Does it mean that all people born on the day I was born have all these characteristics too? tsk tsk. I doubt.

He's doin great. Should I be happy?

Staring at the sky watching the stars. I don't understand myself again. Wondering how my heart have been. It's been years now but why do I still get the same feeling whenever I see him. I'm crazy. I'm sure I am. I get emotional again. I dont know what to do. I don't know what am I supposed to feel. The stars are shining brightly like it always does. It decorates the sky and scare the rain clouds away. How I wish they can also scare away the feelings that I am not supposed to feel. I'm alone in this battle. How I wish I can share this to anybody so as to lighten my burden somehow and shed this stupid feeling.

Like the stars, all I can do is watch him from a distance and wish for it to fall. But how many years do I have to wait to pluck the star and let it fall? I'm pathetic. I'm hopeless. I remember countless promises to forget anything about this stupid feeling but I always end up feeling like this. Sitting in the balcony, staring at the stars-filled sky. The stars have always been my audience in the pathetic drama held in my balcony. I'm hopeless. Pathetic. Stupid. Broken (again). He still have my heart. I still can't find it. How I wish he just returned it back to me even if its broken so that I can move on and start again with those tiny pieces.

Many years have passed, countless attempts of finding my weary little heart have been made, but its totally useless coz I can't find it anywhere. Did you bury it somewhere? Please tell me where. I'm hopeless in finding it.

I know I'm strong, I'm in control. A woman with a plan. But why do I forget what I'm supposed to do when I'm looking at you. I'm an idiot. You're indeed my sweetest downfall. And I was never proud of it. I'm sad. Coz I know no matter how many times I wish, It will not come true. I'd rather fall and be inlove with a virtual person coz I'm sure it will not hurt that bad. It's easier to believe that I cannot own a virtual lover rather than to accept the fact that you can't be mine.

My star, I want to reach for you, but here I am, stuck in the ground. You're so high. So, why should I try, I know I'm gonna fall down. I don't wanna hear the sound of losing what I never found. I'm missing you way too much. Wondering when do I give up what I've been wishing for.

Every instance that I see you, I always play this sad song, sitting in the corner of the balcony, staring at the starry sky, and tears just keep falling.

I don't know where I'm at
I'm standing at the back
And I'm tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.

I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I'm going to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it's coming down
Can't find another way around
And I don't want to hear the sound of losing what I never found.

Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
That I could be missing
I'm missing way too much
So when do I give up what I've been wishing for

**Down - Jason Walker**

My Maya Aztec Reading

Ive tried the free Maya aztec sample reading and it seems that most things written there are true. :)

Here are your strongest and most obvious personality traits. The delineation below describes who you are and how you appear to others, at least on the surface. In Aztec astrology this part of is your horoscope is your Tonalli, or Day-Sign, the form bestowed upon you by the Sun.

Monkey: You are a person who needs attention from others. It is possible that you are an actor, artist, musician, designer or writer. You may also be multi-talented, able to switch from one art form to another with little effort. If you don't practice an art form you probably seek other ways to get attention, and in some cases, less socially acceptable ways.

Perhaps it is the cultivation and development of personality that is the core issue for Monkey types. The mask of the self, the social personality, appears to be the strong point, or the object of obsession, for those of you born on this day. You experience life as theater and the mask becomes all important. In careers where personal presentation is crucial to success, as in performing or sales, a developed personality is a real asset.

You are the type of person who assumes positions of leadership. By nature you are not a follower and therefore your choice is either independence or leadership -- but leaders get attention. You have a tendency to constantly promote yourself which is often perceived by others as attractiveness or even charisma. Much of this is done unconsciously. It may be the case that you are really very insecure and need to compensate for this by getting the world to acknowledge your worth. However, sometimes you compensate a little too much and can be overbearing and dominating.

Emotionally, you may be a little distant and aloof in close relationships. Your emotional distancing may attractive to others as it lends an air of mystery to your already dramatic character. But this could also create problems in relationships. On the other hand, you also have powerful drives and a strong desire nature. Your desire for leadership and attention is also behind your many accomplishments. Perhaps these drives are one and the same.

You are also a very communicative and curious person. You are interested in everything that passes in front of you and will go out of your way to learn how something works. You make an excellent teacher and are an equally good student. Mentally, you are capable of working with details, but you excel at generalities, and this is often what leadership requires.

The mission will soon be over

It's been quite a long time since i last posted a blog here. Well, i have to admit, i was really really busy these past few months.
Watching the nights turn into days, I didn't notice that I was almost on my last part as a college student. All hard working days and sleepless nights will soon be over. Finally, I'm almost there. I've been wishing for this thing for a long time and its surely reachable now. Part of me is, of course, extremely happy for I will be finally leaving the student life and face another mission of the game and part of me, is quite sad. I know leaving my student life also means leaving everything that I used to have and do for more than 4 long years. And that would surely include my friends, the gimmicks, the bonding moments we use to have, the psychotic stuffs, the foods, and loling around. Yes, graduating will surely be fun and excitement is on my nerves. But I'm surely sad about how we're going to miss each other. Im sure that if we have works already and even have our own families, Im pretty sure we won't have time for each other.
Well, I guess, we just have to take it. Basta ako, you'll surely stay in my hearts all. You made an astonishing change in me (char! astonishing jd). I wouldn't be the yanz you knew now if it weren't for all the guys I've known in college. They were the stones and guiding walls that helped me survived this mission.
I know few months from now, I'll be finally saying "Mission accomplished" and I would be thanking all of my fellows who's with me through hard times and good times. Good Luck to us all. We'll see each other in the pedestal of success. ^_^

Today

a tender breeze touches my skin
a horrible pain it's bringing
and I wanna go running
but I know I’ve got to let it in

it's so hard to face it all
cause I know tonight I'll fall
don't drag on me cause I can't keep strong
cause tomorrow I'll move on

but today, oh todayI've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow will bring back my sun
but today it all feels wrong
oooh today, yeah today, I've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow with eyes dryI'll be ready for another try

go walking in the wood
it's suppose to make me feel good
but today it hurts even more
than I'll go try out a shore
but the sand make my eyes tear
every time another spear

who makes the burden even harder
but I'll be fine one day farther
but today, oh todayI've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow will bring back my sun
but today it all feels wrong

oooh today, yeah today, I've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow with eyes dryI'll be ready for another try
it's just a blastcomes so fast
but I know it will go over tomorrow

but today, oh todayI've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow will bring back my sun
but today it all feels wrong

oooh today, yeah today, I've got to cry it all away
and tomorrow with eyes dryI'll be ready for another try

silke m..

Sometimes

Sometimes I feel alive,
Sometimes I feel dead,
Sometimes my heart aches,
Sometimes it’s all in my head.

Sometimes I feel lonely,
Sometimes I need my space,
Sometimes nothing happens,
Sometimes I’ve too much to face.

Sometimes things go right,
Sometimes things go wrong,
Sometimes I fit right it,
Sometimes I just don’t belong.

Sometimes I make decisions,
Sometimes I’m told what to do,
Sometimes I find life hard,
Sometimes so do you.

By Gemma Nolan

my last goodbye

i've been a fool for you for years now.

still holding on to the lie that you'll be back.

why are you doing this.

why are you still giving me the hope.

i have been broken for years now,

i sacrificed the chances of finding the one who can fill my emptiness.

i refused to trust my heart to others.

i have learned to fake a smile for others to see me happy.

i have learned to be numb.

i have learned to hurt others because i refused to respond to their love...

don't you think you have done enough?.

you've broken me into tiny pieces, and now, I can't reassemble myself.

Until now, I find it hard to trust myself to somebody.

I'm scared. I wanted to try but everytime I do, I fail.

Perhaps it's because I'm still hoping that one day you'll walk back in and say you love me.

It's pathetic. Stupid. Non-sense.

I'm really tired with these damn emotions.

All I wanted is for you to say you damn hate me.

And I'll stop with this stupidity.

Please don't give me anymore damn signs.

Coz no matter how hard I fight it, I lose.

Now, I wanted a new life.

I'll forget about you for the last time now.

I'll give myself a chance to try.

I'll try to learned to go with those stupid games.

So that next time, you'll see me standing with heads up.

I'll be very happy when I'll reach the point that you regreted hurting me.

Stupid you! I wanted revenge.

But I've come to realize that it would be very impossible.

So, I'll just stick to the fact that I can never be happy if I'll stick my thoughts on you.

But dont be rest assured.

Someday I'll be back with even new surprises.
I'll let go of you now.

It's more than enough.

This should be the last, my last goodbye.

" MGA NAGBABAGANG BALITA" >> (firefox, PASOK!)

,..ahheemm..sound check,.=)

Living here with other different people was really harder than I thought. Coz for all the days that you'll be together, there's a lot of empty spaces bound for mistakes and misunderstanding that must be filled up. I thought of it earlier and I never expected that worse things (much worse than I thought) could happen.
April 16, tuesday morning, two of our classmates came for the chance of having their On-the-Job training also here. And lucky enough, they are accepted and started working on that same morning. It was fun at first, knowing that we now have two new companions on our challenging life here at Iligan. But slowly, the fun fades and replaced by a sudden feeling of guilt and undesirable anger. I know I was acting a little bit exagerated but my point that time is 'He's just too confident!'. Overconfident (to tell you prankly) to sleep on my bed after too many warnings of getting up from there and go back to the hell he came from. They can act whatever they want in front of me but not to the extent of showing disrespect. I was so mad that I could'nt afford to forgive him. But as they say, time heals all wounds, so he's lucky enough that I decided to forgive him after almost one month. (He should be veeery thankful).
Many days passed. Another argument took place. Two best of friends turned a little fight into a dramatic sceneranio that almost recked the bridge between them. It started on the broken plate, followed by little misunderstanding, and I'm not sure if a certain 'Girl' is included. It was not really good on our sights, watching two close people becoming to be 'far' because of certain gaps that was already created between the two of them. We couldn't bear to see them becoming like that so we called for an urgent meeting that had settled everything. Thanks to us. =)
Not later than May 15, a lost signal was detected cause by certain incident. A revelation of a friend's feeling towards a 'Someone'. It was not really clear if 'friend' really had special feelings for 'Ideal_friend' because 'friend' really never mentioned the exact words to describe the said feeling. It was all sending and receiving signals everywhere, then, POOF! we have understood what the other meant. Very telephatic, isn't it? haha..it sure do. 'friend' still shows the said thing. And whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it will make 'friend' happy. =)

Bahay ni Kuya (iligan division) =)

It was Aplril 8 when we started living here. Having our On-the-Job training away from home. It was fun (at first), till troubles (bunch of troubles) came. I felt it was like living in Kuya's House (PBB House) because from time to time you just can't hide your self to others. Take off the masks and reveal ourselves! Showtime is over, I thought. I didn't realize I could be with these people. People that I thought at first are just ornaments in my everyday life. But it was different. The feeling was different. Having them everyday is really worthwhile.
I will surely miss them when this show will be over. (Sigh) HahaiZt,. this short vacation was surely fun. Laughing at everything, even a single tiny dot that was funny on our sights. Laughing off all the heartaches and talking it over. This was first time to be away from my parents with no tito's or tita's that will look after me. It was really exciting. Cooking our own food, dealing with others everyday, everytime, 24/7.. I thought this would be just like a mere a experience but I'm wrong coz mind you, I really did enjoyed. =)

Hey. It's a brand new day again. New activities, discoveries, and of course, more and more heartaches. I have been pretending all my life. Pretending to be happy and Ok though it's not. Doing all the things that I thought would make me happy. I have been searching for that word for how many years now. But all I have found was just smiles, laughs but not totally the things that Im looking for. Pretending that I can stand all things and pretending to be brave in facing all my fears. Pretending the things that I'm not. Doing the things that I shouldn't do for some reasons.

Life is really complicated. It isn't fair. Sometimes it gives a free air to breath, sometimes, it's choking us. Leaving us hanging in the edge of a cliff waiting to be save.

I'm really tired. Tired of doing things that I hate to do. Tired of following to the things that they said was right. Perhaps I still don't have the guts to face the things that I must face. My fears. My lamentations. My everything.

I want them to see me as I am. Not the one who they want me to be. I didn't realize how hard this was. living to their high expections and things that I have to do for them. I'm burdened with these responsibilities. Do I have to carry this all my life? Yes. I have been here. Now, what's next?