Staring at the sky watching the stars. I don't understand myself again. Wondering how my heart have been. It's been years now but why do I still get the same feeling whenever I see him. I'm crazy. I'm sure I am. I get emotional again. I dont know what to do. I don't know what am I supposed to feel. The stars are shining brightly like it always does. It decorates the sky and scare the rain clouds away. How I wish they can also scare away the feelings that I am not supposed to feel. I'm alone in this battle. How I wish I can share this to anybody so as to lighten my burden somehow and shed this stupid feeling.
Like the stars, all I can do is watch him from a distance and wish for it to fall. But how many years do I have to wait to pluck the star and let it fall? I'm pathetic. I'm hopeless. I remember countless promises to forget anything about this stupid feeling but I always end up feeling like this. Sitting in the balcony, staring at the stars-filled sky. The stars have always been my audience in the pathetic drama held in my balcony. I'm hopeless. Pathetic. Stupid. Broken (again). He still have my heart. I still can't find it. How I wish he just returned it back to me even if its broken so that I can move on and start again with those tiny pieces.
Many years have passed, countless attempts of finding my weary little heart have been made, but its totally useless coz I can't find it anywhere. Did you bury it somewhere? Please tell me where. I'm hopeless in finding it.
I know I'm strong, I'm in control. A woman with a plan. But why do I forget what I'm supposed to do when I'm looking at you. I'm an idiot. You're indeed my sweetest downfall. And I was never proud of it. I'm sad. Coz I know no matter how many times I wish, It will not come true. I'd rather fall and be inlove with a virtual person coz I'm sure it will not hurt that bad. It's easier to believe that I cannot own a virtual lover rather than to accept the fact that you can't be mine.
My star, I want to reach for you, but here I am, stuck in the ground. You're so high. So, why should I try, I know I'm gonna fall down. I don't wanna hear the sound of losing what I never found. I'm missing you way too much. Wondering when do I give up what I've been wishing for.
Every instance that I see you, I always play this sad song, sitting in the corner of the balcony, staring at the starry sky, and tears just keep falling.
I don't know where I'm at
I'm standing at the back
And I'm tired of waiting
Waiting here in line, hoping that I'll find what I've been chasing.
I shot for the sky
I'm stuck on the ground
So why do I try, I know I'm going to fall down
I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?
Never know why it's coming down
Can't find another way around
And I don't want to hear the sound of losing what I never found.
Not ready to let go
Cause then I'd never know
That I could be missing
I'm missing way too much
So when do I give up what I've been wishing for
**Down - Jason Walker**
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4 comments:
Great! I felt the sincerity and the truthfulness of this post. Talking bout love with regards to your feelings, I must also admit, I could relate with you in someway! You were like reaching the stars but you don't know how to start. Did he know your feelings? I think you must let him know even for the last time, just like saying "I love you goodbye". Doing so, you could decide to yourself to recover, give up the feelings, and move on... It's true "You've been here.. what's next? Discover what's next....
Haii...as much as i want to..I dont know where to start. Ive been keeping this for too long. Well, I think I should go somewhere far..Far enough that I could not see him so I can forget him. Coz seeing him, my plans aren't working at all. Im always petrified and bombarded with some sort of amnesia to my plans with just a glance of him. LOL. Stupid me.
You're stupid when comes to love? take this, Do the best that you can to divert your attention. Maybe time will find its way to heal that (shall I say, self-acquired wounds?) broken heart. I know you can, I know you, you're more than what we think!
Haha..Of course. I should be. People are expecting much from me. And I think I will carry that expectation throughout my lifetime. LOL.
Well, I have always diverted myself to different things but just a glance of him could erase all of those.
Guess, they're right. Stupidity is my middle name. I should have known.
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